BEHIND CLOSED DOORS...

WHEN DEE'S LITTLE RENDEZVOUS WITH THE VEGETABLE SOUP DE JOUR WAS OVER, 

SHE WENT BACK OUT TO HER OFFICE TO TO GET SOME MORE WORK DONE.

 (BY THE WAY, I THINK SOUP DE JOUR IS FRENCH FOR, LIP-BURNING BOWL OF SCALDING HOT WATER WITH A SMALL FORREST FLOATING IN IT.)

MOST OF THE OTHERS DOGS WERE SCATTERED AROUND THE LIVING ROOM LIKE THROW PILLOWS, PRETTY MUCH DOING WHAT THEY ALWAYS DO,
 'BOUT THIS TIME OF DAY.

 MERLIN WAS POLISHING OFF A FEW Z's ON THE BIG RED SOFA...

 MOLLY WAS SITTING ON THE OTHER END OF THE SOFA IN HER USUAL SPOT,
STARING BLANKLY AT THE WALL...
 

AND TIKA WAS STRUGGLING TO CONTAIN THE EXCITEMENT,
 THAT COMES WITH EACH NEW DAY...'ROUND HERE! 

(I CALL THIS ROOM...THE 'BORED' ROOM Y'ALL)

 KACI WAS OUT IN THE DINING ROOM,
WATCHING HER REFLECTION IN THE BACKDOOR GLASS,
AND PRACTICING SOME NEW FACIAL EXPRESSIONS SHE'S BEEN WORKING ON.

"HEY KACI?" I SAID...

"SHOW EVERYBODY HOW LONG YOUR TONGUE IS!" 

 SHOWING EVERYBODY HOW LONG HER TONGUE IS, 

IS STILL, A VERY SORE SUBJECT FOR KACI...

AND HAS BEEN, EVER SINCE...THE INCIDENT!

'THE INCIDENT' HAPPENED A LONG, LONG TIME AGO, WHEN KACI WAS JUST A PUPPY...

DURING A RATHER LENGTHY YAWN ONE AFTERNOON, ONE OF KACI'S PREVIOUS OWNERS NOTICED HOW UNUSUALLY LONG HER TONGUE WAS, AND QUICKLY CALLED HER HUSBAND INTO THE ROOM, TO SHARE IN HER DISCOVERY.

WHEN THE OWNER FINALLY COAXED KACI INTO STICKING OUT HER TONGUE AGAIN, KACI OPENED HER MOUTH A LITTLE BIT WIDER THAN SHE WANTED TO, WHICH CAUSED THE REST OF HER TONGUE TO SPILL OUT OF HER MOUTH AND DROP TO THE FLOOR SO FAST, THAT IT YANKED HER HEAD DOWN TO THE FLOOR AND BOUNCED HER CHIN OFF THE HARD TILES WITH SUCH FORCE, SHE WENT HEAD OVER HEELS INTO ONE OF THE CABINETS AND PERMANENTLY BENT HER LEFT EAR.

 (WHICH IS VERY PROMINENT IN MOST PICTURES YOU SEE OF HER)

I DIDN'T WANT HER TO GET ALL SPAZ'D OUT,

SO...I ASKED HER IF SHE WOULD JUST SHOW YOU GUYS HALF OF IT!

 SHE SAID OKAY AND RELUCTANTLY STUCK HER TONGUE OUT...A LITTLE.

"THAT'S NOT HALF-WAY" I TOLD HER...

SHE STUCK IT OUT A LITTLE FURTHER...

"WELL...THAT'S STILL NOT QUITE HALF-WAY YET,

 BUT THAT'S OKAY...GOOD GIRL!

GO AHEAD AND PUT IT BACK IN YOUR MOUTH,

 BEFORE YOU TRIP OVER IT AND BREAK YOUR NECK OR SOMETHING!"

(SHE ALSO WON'T DRINK WATER OUT OF ANY BOWL OR CONTAINER SHE HAS TO STAND OVER, WITHOUT A STRAW IN HER MOUTH...
OR A LIFEGUARD STANDING CLOSE BY!)

ANYWAY..
I WENT TO THE WINDOW TO SEE WHAT THE DAY WAS SHAPING UP LIKE OUTSIDE,
 AND NEXT THING I KNEW, EVERYBODY WANTED TO KNOW WHAT THE DAY WAS SHAPING UP LIKE OUTSIDE...

FIRST TIKA CAME TO THE DOOR AND LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW...
 

THEN MOLLY CAME TO THE DOOR TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW...

AND THEN MERLIN CAME AND LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW...
 

 AND KACI?

KACI WAS TOO BUSY WAVING GOODBYE TO US WITH HER TONGUE,
 TO COME AND LOOK OUT THE WINDOW...

MOLLY TOOK ANOTHER LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AND SAID...

"WHO'S GONNA OPEN THE DOOR?"

THEN MERLIN TOOK ANOTHER LOOK OUT THE WINDOW...

 AND HE SAID..
"WHO'S GONNA OPEN THE DOOR?"

 
AND THEN TIKA STEPPED UP NEXT TO MERLIN AND SAID...
"YEAH DITZY...WHO IS GONNA OPEN THE DOOR... HUH?

"GIVE ME STRENGTH" I THOUGHT TO MYSELF...

I WET MY WHISTLE...

AND PROCEEDED TO LET OUT...'THE YELP OF URGENCY!'

THE YELP OF URGENCY IS A UNIVERSAL YELP,  KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE K-9 WORLD TO BE AN EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE WAY FOR ALL DOGS, OF ALL BREEDS,
 TO GET THEIR OWNERS ATTENTION IMMEDIATELY!

I BELIEVE THE YELP OF URGENCY, WAS CREATED IN GERMANY BY A SHEPHERD,
 IN THE 3RD CENTURY AND CAN MEAN ANYTHING FROM..

"I'M INJURED AND NEED A MEDIC STAT!" TO...
 "I AM ABOUT TO LEAVE AN UNPRECEDENTED AMOUNT OF GAG-INDUCING POTTY SCATTERED FROM ONE END OF THIS ROOM TO THE OTHER, THAT SOMEBODY 'S GONNA HAVE TO CLEAN UP...IF SOMEBODY DOESN'T CRACK THIS DOOR OPEN IN ABOUT,
 5, 4, 3, 2,...

LIKE I SAID...THE RESULTS? ARE PRETTY MUCH...IMMEDIATE!

 AS SOON AS THE OWNER SEE'S IT'S A 'NON-INJURY' URGENCY,
HE OR SHE KNOWS...
THERE'S ONLY ONE OTHER URGENT THING IT COULD BE!

A STORM WAS-A-BREWIN'...AND IT WAS FIXIN' TO POUR!

MOLLY SHUFFLED OUT THE DOOR FIRST,
AND WENT AND SAT DOWN ON THE BACK PORCH STEPS...

 MERLIN WENT OUT NEXT,
 AND SUDDENLY STOPPED DEAD IN HIS TRACKS AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS.

HE STOOD THERE FOR WHAT PROBABLY REALLY WAS AN ETERNITY IN DOG TIME..
JUST WATCHING MOLLY SIT THERE.

HE CALLED ME OVER AND TOLD ME TO CHECK IT OUT...

 WHEN I DID, I JUST STARTED LAUGHING!
SHE JUST LOOKED SO FUNNY SITTING THERE LIKE THAT!

MERLIN LOOKED AT THE CAMERA-GUY AND USING HIS KEEN DOG TO HUMAN, MIND- COMMUNICATION SKILLS, ASKED HIM..IF HEW WOULD SNAP A COUPLE OF PICTURES OF MOLLY SITTING LIKE THAT FOR HIS SCRAPBOOK?

SCRAPBOOK?
(I HAD NO IDEA Y'ALL)

THE CAMERA-MAN PROMISED MERLIN HE'D TAKE A COUPLE OF PICTURES FOR HIM,
SO DOWN THE STAIRS MERLIN WENT...TO...GO...DO...SOME...THING...

I STOPPED LAUGHING JUST LONG ENOUGH TO FOLLOW MERLIN DOWN THE STAIRS AND CASUALLY WALKED AROUND MOLLY FOR A FIRST-HAND GLIMPSE OF HOW SILLY SHE LOOKED SITTING THERE LIKE THAT.

(AND, SHE REALLY DID LOOK PRETTY FUNNY Y'ALL)

I ASKED MERLIN IF HE THOUGHT IT WAS POSSIBLE THAT MOLLY COULD HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO SIT ON STAIRS?
AND HE SAID..
"EITHER THAT, OR SHE'S FIXIN TO DROP AND GIVE US TWENTY ANY MINUTE NOW!"

 I TOLD MERLIN I THOUGHT HE SHOULD BE A GOOD BOY AND GO SHOW HER THE RIGHT WAY TO SIT ON STEPS...SO SHE DOESN'T END UP HURTING HER LOWER BACK OR  FRONT SHOULDERS FROM SITTING ON THEM LIKE SHE WAS!

BEING THE GOOD BOY HE IS...MERLIN QUICKLY AGREED TO GO HELP HER OUT!

I STOPPED HIM AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS,

  AND TOLD HIM TO BE GENTLE AND COMPASSIONATE.
 I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO EMBARRASS HER, BY BRINGING SOMETHING TO HER ATTENTION SHE MIGHT NOT BE AWARE OF?
"MOLLY IS A VERY SENSITIVE GIRL" I REMINDED HIM..."SO, YOU BE NICE!"

 I SUGGESTED HE FIND A SUBTLE WAY TO GET HER ATTENTION AND THEN JUST SIT DOWN AND LET HER WATCH HOW HE DOES IT.

HE THOUGHT THAT WAS A REALLY GOOD IDEA..AND HEADED BACK UP THE STAIRS...

WHEN HE GOT TO THE TOP OF THE STAIRS,
HE TURNED AROUND AND YELLED BACK DOWN THE STEPS TO MOLLY...

"HEY GOOFBALL!
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW STUPID YOU LOOK, SITTING THERE LIKE THAT!?

AT FIRST MOLLY JUST PRETENDED SHE DIDN'T HEAR HIM...

BUT MERLIN PERSISTED..

"HEY MOLLY!" HE BARKED..."LOOK UP HERE!
 YOU WANNA SEE ME TEACH AN OLD DOG AN OLD TRICK?
I CALL IT...SIT!
WATCH!
 IT'S REAL EASY...

 MOLLY TURNED AROUND AND LOOKED BACK UP THE STAIRS AT MERLIN...

WHO PROCEEDED TO TEACH HER THE FINE ART OF SITTING CORRECTLY ON ANY KIND OF STEPS OR STAIRS SHE WILL EVER ENCOUNTER IN HER LIFETIME.

"FIRST...
YOU DROP YOUR BUTT DOWN ON THE STEP OR STAIR YOU PLAN TO SIT ON...

THEN...
YOU SLOWLY SLIDE YOUR FRONT PAWS FORWARD...
AND EASE YOURSELF DOWN TO THE STAIR,

AND LASTLY..
STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE AND DRAPE YOUR PAWS OVER THE EDGE OF THE STEP FOR CUTENESS...IT'S JUST THAT EASY!

"I DIDN'T FORGET HOW TO SIT!" MOLLY SAID..

"I WAS JUST LEAVING SOMETHING ON THE STAIRS FOR YOU TO STEP IN,
 THE NEXT TIME YOU COME DOWN THEM!"

TIKA CAME OVER AND STOOD BEHIND MERLIN AND TOLD US ALL...

"YOU KNOW?" SHE SAID...
"IF YOU GUYS WERE HUMANS?

I THINK YOU WOULD BE CALLED MORONS....

CATCH YA NEXT TIME FRIENDS....

HAVING A SOUPER DAY!

LET'S SEE...WHERE WAS I? OH YEAH, 

SUDDENLY AND WITHOUT ANY WARNING WHAT-SO-EVER, 

ABSOLUTELY...NOTHING AT ALL HAPPENED.

SORRY 'BOUT THAT LITTLE CLIFF-HANGER AT THE END OF MY LAST BLOG!

 I JUST WANTED TO LEAVE YOU WITH SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE EXCITING THAN...

"AND THEN WE PULLED INTO THE FARMERS MARKET, SO DEE COULD PICK UP SOME VEGETABLES TO MAKE SOUP WITH LATER!"

ANYWAY...WE PULLED INTO THE FARMERS MARKET SO DEE COULD PICK UP SOME VEGETABLES TO MAKE SOUP WITH LATER...

WHEN ALL THE SUDDEN AND WITHOUT ANY WARNING WHAT-SO-EVER,

A LOOSE DOG DARTED RIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF US!

DEE AND I BOTH SAW IT COMING AT THE EXACT SAME MOMENT..

 

 WITH MY LITTLE HEART POUNDING IN MY LITTLE CHEST, DEE SLAMMED ON THE BRAKES IN AN ATTEMPT TO AVOID HITTING THE LITTLE LOST DOG!

 THE BRAKES WERE SCREAMING!

THE TIRES WERE SMOKING!

THE HORN WAS BLARING AND BLASTING INTO THE AIR ALL AROUND US!

THE ADRENALIN WAS FLOWING THROUGH US LIKE A RAGING RIVER!

 WE ALL BRACED OURSELVES FOR IMPACT, EXCEPT TIKA...

SHE WAS LOOKING OFF IN LA-LA LAND,

AND SUDDENLY FOUND HERSELF BEING UNEXPECTEDLY THRUST FORWARD WITH ENOUGH  MOMENTUM TO PULL OFF A RATHER NOTEWORTHY,
IF NOT OLYMPIC-WORTHY, DOUBLE SOMERSAULT....

 

 

 

 

 

WHICH SHE FINISHED OFF BY STICKING A PERFECT 2 POINT,
 BACK-PAWS LANDING ON THE FLOOR BEHIND MY SEAT!

WHICH, AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE FOR YOURSELF,
 WAS A REALLY HAPPY MOMENT IN THIS LITTLE CROWD-PLEASERS AFTERNOON!

I WAS TRULY RELIEVED, WHEN I LOOKED THE OUT WINDOW TO MY LEFT,

 AND SAW THAT THE LOOSE HOUND AT LARGE,
HAD NOT BEEN STRUCK BY BY OUR CAR!

 IT WAS ONLY BY THE GRACE OF THE GREAT WOLF SPIRIT...

 THAT MANY HEARTS WERE NOT BROKEN TODAY...

 "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DOG-GONE MIND!?" I BARKED OUT THE WINDOW.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE YOU THINKING!?" I BARKED ON.
"GET AN OWNER WITH A LEASH! NEXT TIME!"

I TURNED MY ATTENTION BACK TO TIKA...

TO MAKE SURE SHE WAS OKAY...

 "WHAT WAS THAT?" SHE ASKED.

"IT WAS NOTHING" I TOLD HER REASSURINGLY.

"I'M JUST MAKING UP STUFF FOR MY BLOG,
 SO I DON'T HAVE TO TELL MY READERS THAT ALL WE REALLY  DID TODAY.
 WAS PICKED UP SOME VEGETABLES AND THEN WENT HOME...
 SO DEE COULD MAKE SOUP!

SEE YA NEXT TIME...